I seem to remember also saying You Are Dependent – so how can this make sense? Well, firstly, life is full of both/and rather than either/or situations. And secondly, there’s a difference between knowing that you can (and often need to) depend on other people in your life, and completely losing your independence.
The truth is, you are an independent person, and your childhood has prepared you for that each day. That’s what growing up is about – bit by bit, learning to do things for yourself. Every little thing you learned to do for yourself (and actually, this doesn’t stop at the end of childhood) means that’s one more thing you don’t have to get someone else to do for you. That’s very important. But we all have things we aren’t so good at. Right now, don’t focus on that too much. You can still get more skilled people to help you with things – and nobody can be good at everything. Don’t feel like you have to do everything alone.
If you’re feeling like you are way too dependent on other people for everything, then we need to start to push the boat out. What if you feel like you have never had to do things for yourself and you always need someone to hold your hand? Well, I bet that’s not completely true, actually. My guess is that you’re going through a time where lots of life’s challenges need skills you don’t feel you have. But there are plenty of things that you don’t need people to do for you – you just cant see them because they aren’t bothering you right now. The trick is to work out which things you need to start to do for yourself, and which are OK to lean on people for.
What if you never used to do the finances for your family but now you have been thrown into it? Or you’ve learned to drive but your partner usually does any difficult drives you need to do? Well, have you ever learned anything before? Are there things in your life that you used to not be able to do, but now you can? Even things you might be quite expert at?
Hmm, let’s see. Things you can do now that at some point you had to learn.
Sounds like everything you’ve ever done in your whole life, actually. So why cant you learn one more thing? Because it’s hard, and because you think it’s harder than it is – even too hard.
Some things are just not your skill set. So lean on other people. Ask friends, or hire specialists. Those people probably aren’t good at the same things you are. Being independent doesn’t mean never asking for help. It just means not believing that someone else always has to do it for you.